Heres your sign

Here are some funny jokes/Heres your sign sayings from Comedian Bill Engvall:

Hope you enjoy a good laugh while reading these. If you are having a bad day maybe it will cheer you up. Happy Reading!! :)

In the lost luggage office in Buffalo
Lost luggage employee: Can I help you?
Engvall: Yes, you lost my luggage.
Employee: [looking directly at Bill] Has your plane landed yet?
Engvall: No, princess. I'm having an out of body experience. I'm just checkin' on it.


Engvall has an Elk hung on the wall
Neighbor: Did you shoot that thing?
Engvall: Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.


On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.
Engvall's wife: Oh my God! Were you on the ground?
Engvall: Nope, Santa was making one last run. Here's your sign.



Engvall is in an office elevator going up.
friend: Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?
Engvall: No, these are the ones that go side to side. The up ones are down the hall.


A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
Store clerk: Oh, do you have twins?
Bill's friend: Yes, ma'am. My wife was in labor for five years.


Jeff Foxworthy is having his house repainted and he has a piano in the corner
Painter Is that y'all's piano?
Jeff No, thats our coffee table. It just has buck teeth.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

Rain Rain Go Away

We needed rain but now we have had to much rain all at once and the roads are flooding and the creeks and rivers are flowing out of there banks. It is just a big mess now.

This morning while on my way to work I was driving on a two land road and I was only going about 5 under the speed limit because there was so much water on the road and I didn't want to hydroplane. All of a sudden a big pickup truck comes flying around me and then passes the car in front of me. I just thought to myself wow I hope he makes it to where he needs to be safely because if he keeps driving like this he is going to end up in the ditch or even worse.

I just can't understand why people insist on driving like such idiots when it is raining out. Maybe someone else knows a logical explanation to this. LOL!!

I would rather be safe than sorry. ;) :) As one of my grandmothers used to say and my Dad says it now too Watch out for all the other nuts on the road. Lol!! :):0 :D