Heres your sign

Here are some funny jokes/Heres your sign sayings from Comedian Bill Engvall:

Hope you enjoy a good laugh while reading these. If you are having a bad day maybe it will cheer you up. Happy Reading!! :)

In the lost luggage office in Buffalo
Lost luggage employee: Can I help you?
Engvall: Yes, you lost my luggage.
Employee: [looking directly at Bill] Has your plane landed yet?
Engvall: No, princess. I'm having an out of body experience. I'm just checkin' on it.


Engvall has an Elk hung on the wall
Neighbor: Did you shoot that thing?
Engvall: Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.


On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.
Engvall's wife: Oh my God! Were you on the ground?
Engvall: Nope, Santa was making one last run. Here's your sign.



Engvall is in an office elevator going up.
friend: Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?
Engvall: No, these are the ones that go side to side. The up ones are down the hall.


A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
Store clerk: Oh, do you have twins?
Bill's friend: Yes, ma'am. My wife was in labor for five years.


Jeff Foxworthy is having his house repainted and he has a piano in the corner
Painter Is that y'all's piano?
Jeff No, thats our coffee table. It just has buck teeth.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

Rain Rain Go Away

We needed rain but now we have had to much rain all at once and the roads are flooding and the creeks and rivers are flowing out of there banks. It is just a big mess now.

This morning while on my way to work I was driving on a two land road and I was only going about 5 under the speed limit because there was so much water on the road and I didn't want to hydroplane. All of a sudden a big pickup truck comes flying around me and then passes the car in front of me. I just thought to myself wow I hope he makes it to where he needs to be safely because if he keeps driving like this he is going to end up in the ditch or even worse.

I just can't understand why people insist on driving like such idiots when it is raining out. Maybe someone else knows a logical explanation to this. LOL!!

I would rather be safe than sorry. ;) :) As one of my grandmothers used to say and my Dad says it now too Watch out for all the other nuts on the road. Lol!! :):0 :D

He who laughs

I needed a good laugh today so I was looking around on the Internet and came across some really funny, enlightening sayings. Read at your own risk as bouts of laughter may ensue.

• Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
• You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
• What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
• The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• I could've eaten Alphabits and pooped out a better essay!!
• The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
• After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
• Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
• The road to success is always under construction.
• Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the butt. The key to management is knowing which mules are which.
• Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
• If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
• Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
• "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
• Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
• There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
• Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
• What's brown and sits on a piano bench?Beethoven's First Movement.
  

Speaking in Spanish

So this week was a very busy week work wise. I worked long hours this week and went to lots of flu clinics. Got up very very early most mornings. So needless to say this week has been exhausting.

I was at one flu clinic/health fair this week where the nurses had the opportunity to work with a Spanish Interpreter which was interesting and fun. This gentleman who was interpreting for us was absolutely hilarious. So we had to get everyones height and weight and so on for this health fair. So he would tell each guy to back up to the wall so he could measure them for their coffins. And then he would weigh each one and tell them you better not break my scales. LOL!! This one guy went to get on the scales and tipped them up and he kinda lost his balance so this interpreter said man what have you been drinking this morning. LOL! It was one funny thing after another that the interpreter kept coming out with. Needless to say he made the day very fun and very lively which was nice for a change. At one point someone asked him if he would come and interpret for us again next week and he said of course I will see you on the 2nd Thursday next week. lol!!

It is always wonderful when we have the opportunity to work with someone who is such a joy to work with and who absolutely enjoys what they are doing. I really appreciate being able to work with people like him who make my job so much easier by having him there to translate.

Today is Mine Tomorrow may not be.

So sorry for the lack of post I have had a serious writers block and haven't been able to come up with anything to write about.

But of recent my thoughts have been about how we never know what tomorrow may bring or if there will even be a tomorrow. We never know when our life will change in an instant for better or for worse.

In recent weeks I have been thinking of a young girl laying in a Hospital in Kansas who had car wreck and was burned from being electrocuted because a power pole landed on her car. I have never met this young girl but she seems to have a wonderful testimony from what I have heard from others. She is still smiling through all the pain she is in. She has a long recovery to go but I know with the Lords help she will make it through. I have been caused to be very aware from this event that "Today is mine but tomorrow may not be".
We never know how we may touch anothers life through the way we live and what we do and say. Even though I have never met her personally I feel like I know her very well and she will never know how deeply she has touched my life by reading about her experience she is going through.

I know this is a little more somber post than most are used to from me but this is what I have felt compelled to write today. Hopefully it has made some kind of sense and it hasn't just went in circles and rambled on.

Live for today and hope for tomorrow.

:)

Few Bricks Shy of a Load

Yes I know I haven't posted in awhile but quite frankly I haven't had anything exciting going on in my life lately. But this week I have come across several people who have been Several fries short of a happy meal to say the least. So anyways for a lack of something better to post I went online and came across a few more sayings that go along with a few bricks shy of a load.
Some of them are very clever. Hope you enjoy reading them and maybe you know some people like this in your life too. :)

• One shingle shy a roof.
• Sharp as a bowling ball.
• His/Her elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
• He/She is two tacos short of a combination plate.
• If brains were dynamite, he/she wouldn't have enough to blow his/her nose.
• Doesn't have enough sandwiches for a picnic.
• Doesn't know which side of the toast the butter is on.
• Got a few tiles missing from his/her Space Shuttle.
• Got the mental agility of a soap dish.
• Has two brains. One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• Not playing with a full deck.
• Only operating at about half a watt.
• Surfing in Nebraska
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he/she just gargled.
• The cheese has slid off his cracker.
• The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains.
• Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
• Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps.
• Doesn't have all the dots on his/her dice.
• About three cents short of a dollar.

And I saved the best for last : Was napping in the nut pile the day that God was cracking nuts.

The World May Stop Going Around and Around

*******Important News Flash*********


This Morning I found my first gray hair. Everyone watch out because the world may come to an end as we know it. Gray Hair already are you kidding me I don't want to be that old yet. Oh well the first Gray hair has appeared so I guess I might as well just embrace it and deal with it. Because where there is one more are likely to pop up along with it. Yikes!!!!!!!!! Oh well just because I am starting to get gray hair doesn't mean I have to act my age, I mean why should I start acting my age now. I have heard you are only as old as you feel. I want to feel young so I guess I will continue to act young.

****** This Concludes the End of this very important News Flash********